


Missing Him

by olivemartini



Category: Stitchers, Stitchers (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engagement, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Marraige Proposal, camsten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:35:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4445513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cameron and Kirsten after she breaks off the engagement with Liam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing Him

Kirsten couldn't stop seeing the look on Liam's face when she told him that she wasn't going to marry him.  She couldn't forget the way his happy expression had folded in on itself, a new face emerging full of disappointment and tinged with something a little like rage.  "I don't know about you anymore, Kirsten."  He was talking with his back to her and as he shoved his meager belongings into his bag, voice growing louder with every syllable.  (Kirsten was certain that Camille was listening at the door.)  "It's like you've gone and become a different person while I was gone."  And then, when she couldn't think up a response to that -well, how _could_ she, she couldn't every well tell him she worked for a secret government agency- he pulled her into one last kiss. Voice softened, he said, "Aren't you going to miss me at all?"

But he knew that answer for himself.  He knew that as this conversation went by she was coming to the conclusion that what they had between them is gone, and it didn't matter if it was for minutes or centuries- she could no longer imagine being able to fix what went wrong between them.  And honestly, she wasn't sure she would have cared even if she had been able to feel emotions the normal way.  What right did he have to come back after disappearing for two years and then act like _she_ was the crazy one for not agreeing to marry him? 

Liam opened the door roughly, brushing past Camille after a small smile filled with good byes.  For a second, all Kirsten could do was stare at the space he had left behind. 

Camille was the first to speak.  "Are you alright?"

There was a long pause, where Kirsten searched for any sign that she felt her world shatter, that she could understand the meaning when people say heartbreak.  But she couldn't.  "I wish," She said finally, already on her way out the door, "That I could stop driving away the few people that care about me."

There wasn't a conscious decision to head to Cameron's.  She was just driving, radio blasting a song that was infuriatingly happy, considering the situation.  But then she was turning into the parking lot and pounding her fist onto the dash board, screaming out curse words.  She didn't know who she was angrier at: Liam, or herself.  She couldn't make herself move, just watched Cameron's silhouette moving behind the curtains, wondering if she could chance going to him for comfort and explanation.

Cameron hadn't been very happy with her lately.  There were no morning calls after stitches, no cute nicknames (not even Princess, which she liked).  There were no invites to go out for drinks, or to come over to try some disgustingly healthy culinary disaster.  When they did talk, he always looked like he was in pain.

But the fact remained that she had no where else to go.

Kirsten fled from her car, like moving faster would let her outrun the problem.  As much as she was okay with the fact that she and Liam had ended, she wasn't okay with much else.  She wasn't okay with the fact that he was probably the only one that was ever able to truly look past all her quirks.  She wasn't okay with the fact that she wouldn't have anyone to look forward to seeing- not, now that she thought about it, he ever crossed her mind when he wasn't around.  She didn't want to think that no one would ever be able to really love her again.

She didn't want to think about her ability to push everyone away until she was really and truly alone.

Cameron's door opened the second she started knocking.  He didn't look surprised to see her (midnight appearances had become so frequent she had been given a key), and just stepped back to let her in.  "So you've decided about Liam then?"

"Yes."  She was a little breathless from running up all the stairs.  "I'm telling you first this time.  Face to face."

"How good of you."  There was a beat where she flinched from his tone, feeling whatever friendship they had begin to crack.  She wasn't ready for that.  She wouldn't be able to take that, or come to peace with it no matter how much time went by.  Cameron was forcing a smile on his face.  "Congratulations, Kirsten.  I'm happy for you.  that's great."

He didn't look great.  He was gripping the bottle in his hand so hard she was afraid it might break, and seemed to be in actual, physical pain.  Kirsten suspected that the look on his face described what she should have been feeling when she ended things with Liam.  She just couldn't understand why Cameron was feeling it right now. 

"We'll go out for drinks tomorrow, okay?  Celebrate?" He offered a smile, but it was too tight across his face.  Fake.  And something in his eyes, like he was holding himself together by the smallest thread.  "But I'm kind of busy right now."  He started to gently push her out of the apartment.

He'd never done that before.  Even at her most obnoxious, Cameron had only stared at her in exasperation, smiling with a fond look on her face.  And now, even though she hadn't shed a tear when she'd ended a long term relationship, she found herself crying.  Cameron stared at her, shocked.  "Stretch, what the hell?"  He shut the door and pulled her to his couch.  "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry."  She wiped at her tears angrily.

"For crying?"  Again, he was amazed, completely thrown by this turn of events. 

"No.  For whatever I did to make you mad, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to." 

"Oh, Kirsten."  He let out a frustrated groan, pulling her into a hug.  Kirsten buried her face into his neck, breathing in his scent- a scent more familiar to her than Liam's.  "No, I'm not mad at you."

"You are!  You are and that's why you haven't really talked to me lately, and... I've missed you Cameron."  The realization shocked her enough to end her tears.  She had felt the absence of people once they leave her, sure, but she had never been able to miss someone, to ache inside until they were around her.  She didn't know it was possible to be lonely with that same person right beside you, either.  "I've missed you."

He didn't say anything, just gripped her tighter.  It was nice, being held like this, like she needed protecting.  For all that she complained, Kirsten didn't really mind his pampering.  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Liam."

"Don't.  Don't apologize for that."

"I just... I don't remember him, when he's not around, unless there's something that triggers a memory of him.  He's kind of just someone from my past, and I don't care if I'm going to see him again when he leaves.  And when he comes back, well..."  She didn't really want to reveal the pitiful truth of why she had stayed with him for so long.  "It's nice to feel loved, isn't it?  To have someone tell you you're beautiful.  To know someone will be there for you.  I never had that before him.  And I'm not convinced he really loves me.  Which is why,"  She concluded, finally calm enough to pull back and look him in the eye.  "I never told you about him.  He was nothing.  An afterthought."

"But aren't you getting married to him?"  Cameron looked so confused and hurt, she almost started crying again.

"No."  Then, in a louder voice, "I told him no, Cameron."

"Why?"

"He doesn't know me.  Not anymore.  He wanted the girl I was when he left two years ago, and I'm not her anymore.  He didn't love the person I am."  With a sudden bitterness she didn't know she felt, she added, "How could he?  I'm a mess."

"No, Kirsten."  He said her name like it pained him, and he was reaching out to hug her again, but she moved away.

"I never missed him.  And I thought, it was just because I couldn't tell time, you know?"

"And it wasn't?"  His words were slow, cautious, like she was a wounded animal.

"No.  I can miss people, if I try hard enough.  My mind just decided it wasn't worth the effort."  Then, deciding it was now or never, she voiced the thought that had struck her in the car.  "I miss you though.  How is that possible?"

"How is what possible?"

"That I miss you.  That I care about you enough to miss you.  In a matter of months you mean more to me than Liam ever has.  And Liam proposed, for God's sake!  But that whole time, all I could think of was that I didn't want to do anything that meant leaving the stitchers program, because that means leaving you."  It was a dangerous, weighted confession.  She could tell he understood how big of a deal this was.

"I shouldn't be able to.  I shouldn't be able to miss you, because whenever I leave, it feels like you've been gone an eternity.  How can I miss you after all that time?"   Her voice had dropped to a whisper.  "And how did I not notice it happening?"

"If it makes you feel any better, princess, I've missed you too."  They were hugging again, and she wasn't sure why. 

"Not like this.  Not with this ache in my chest, this knowledge that something is missing, this never ending worry I feel until I'm right beside you again.  Whenever my phone rings I'm hoping it's you, whenever I'm bored I think about showing up here.  I was on autopilot tonight looking for anything to make me feel better, and this is where I ended up.  That means something, doesn't it?"  There was a desperation to her voice.  "I don't know what this feeling is, exactly, but I have it."

"I do." His voice was filled with relief, and he was hugging her, tight like she needed protecting.  "I feel it, too."

**Author's Note:**

> So, I don't really know what this was, exactly, but I know I for one have been looking for the scene when Kirsten tells Cameron she's not going to marry Liam ( because let's be real, she can't say yes, not with Cameron around). I wrote this really fast, so sorry if its not the best quality. Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
